If you've ever had the misfortune of setting foot in a courtroom, you'll know that things usually don't play the way they do in the movies. There really aren't that many "you can't handle the truth" moments, to lift a line from A Few Good Men. Real justice is laborious, dull, and often unsatisfying.
But every now and then, someone says or does something that immediately torpedoes their case, exposing them as the liar and cheat that they are. Every now and then, a lawyer gets to experience the rare 'gotcha' moment that blows the case wide open.
These lawyers recently went online to share those stories with us. All rise!
30. Gives you paws
29. Oily and greasy
28. Acting in bad faith
27. Low speed chase
26. "You just confessed, sooooo..."
25. That's why you never monologue your evil plan
24. What are ya? Chicken?!
23. Lying about lying about your lying
22. It's a little late to confess
I swear to god...
21. Exhibit A
20. Oops I forgot!
19. Counting your chickens
18. "Are you taking notes on a criminal conspiracy?"
Pixabay
17. Never represent yourself
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16. You raised a little too much awareness
15. Someone should really be fired over this
The funny thing was, when they brought me in to question me they had this huge folder full of their "evidence" and I was just like... wtf is going on in there? But because I wasn't "cooperating" by confessing to something I hadn't done they wouldn't show me what was in it. However, they had to turn it over to us before court. And it was legitimately like 5 or 6 months full of entries where they had someone scoping out my ex-wife's house. And each entry said something along the lines of when they got there, how long they were there and "no contact made with subject."
So they really were at the wrong house every day for five or six months and never realized it. I have no idea why they never just tailed me home from work or something.
14. Better hit up that parent-teacher interview
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13. Shoulda just paid up
12. No amount of money fixes that
11. A stab in the back
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10. You said too much
9. "My life is my life."
8. This time you lost big
7. The chips are down
6. Just like with doctors: always tell them everything
5. So you're saying you're a criminal?
4. Nothing like lying under oath
3. Thank god for the body cam
2. Judge vs. lawyer
While doing SSA disability hearings a few years ago I represented a guy in a case that was back on remand from Federal Court.
Long story short, the original Administrative Law Judge (ALJ) didn’t follow the correct procedure and denied the guy because he “could return to his last work (Step 4).
Basically, he was granted a partially favorable decision that gave him $700 a month, rather than the $2,100 he should have received.
The ALJs are notoriously jerks, and try to scare people out of pursuing claims. This judge apparently thought he could intimidate me and my client into withdrawing the appeal by threatening to take away all the guys benefits. Little did he know, I’m not a moron, and I hate bullies.
He started the hearing by asking my client if he was aware that he could take all his benefits away. Asking if “your counsel has informed you that by continuing this hearing, you may lose all benefits and owe all amounts back to the agency as an overpayment.”
This was completely impossible, because 6 years had gone by since the original decision, and the judge could only reopen the decision within 2 years. Also, the job he previously did (computer system installer) was completely obsolete and physically impossible since his physical problems prevented him from lifting more than 20lbs, and the computer he was installing during the 1980s were 50-150lbs. The judge didn’t think about that, and clearly didn’t read the federal court remand notice.
So, long story short, the judge says to me, “Counsel, have you done your ethical duty and advised your client that he could lose all his benefits today?”
To which I responded by looking at my client, and in a full voice saying, “He can’t do that.” Then, without missing a beat looked back at the judge and said, “Your honor, I have advised my client that you cannot take his benefits away.”
I told the judge we would waive all other procedural portions of the hearings and proceed directly to vocational expert testimony.
I asked the vocational expert two questions, “would the prior job require lifting more than 20lbs?” And “has the prior job existed as performed since 1999?”
She quickly answered “no” to both questions and then on her own elaborated all the reasons why.
Total hearing was 6 minutes long. The judge had no choice but the grant the original application, and the guy got $158,000 in unpaid benefits. And $1,400 a month more than he had been receiving.
He broke down into tears and said he could finally keep the promise to his wife to return her ashes to the beach they got married on in Hawaii. A dream he had years ago decided would be impossible.
Best day of my career, so far.
1. The magic formula
Worked as Paralegal/investigator. Working a trade secrets case involving the manufacture of dental wheels used to grind teeth. Long story, but go with it...
Company A was a small family owned manufacturer but made the best product on the market from a small factory in the middle of nowhere. Sold massive amounts of product because of quality. Its location was remote enough and the owner paid employees so well, the employees stayed there FOREVER. All of them had worked there for 30+ years. When the founder of Company A died, it was sold to International Company B because the kids and grandkids had no interest in the company. Company B then closed the old factory and tried to use company A's formula at their facilities. Company B couldn't make the formula work...
Now enter Company C... Another international company who lost the bid on buying company A.
When company C heard about the problems Company B was having, they bought the old factory facilities and then rehired the old staff to restart production. All the employees of old company A were delighted to have their good paying jobs back and went straight to work. Producing the better quality items once again and Company C's product worked.
Company B... Sues company C, for trade secrets violation. When you buy a company, you buy their trade secrets. And this company had a bunch. This product was just one part. But the most profitable part of their operation. Thus, company C, because of their action, was accused of violating the laws governing trade secrets.... Company B even managed to get a temporary restraining order against company C in Federal Court and Company C had to stop manufacturing at the old plant now owned.
This is when I enter the picture...
Our firm represented Company C an I was assigned to interview all the employees. I was in the living room of this delightful older lady in her late 50's that offered me snacks, asked me if I was married and wanted to set me up with her granddaughter, you name it...BEST AND FUNNIEST INTERVIEW EVER...
Then she drops the bomb. I asked her how she knew how to make the product. All my previous interviews said so and so taught them. She said.... "From the directions on the wall." Total moment of silence.
"Directions on the WALL?"
"Yes" she said, "no one ever looks at'm. But there is a board on the wall with the directions."
I call the janitor of the facility from her phone (yeah, this is before cell phones) and had him meet me there. He unlocks the place and yep, covered in probably 40 years of dust making it just part of the background, is a board with the entire process on it..
Thus, when company B sold the factory, which was eventually purchased by company C, company B accidentally sold the trade secret to company C because they abandoned it on the wall.
I did serious evidence sourcing on this. My best pictures were of this 65+ year old former janitor knocking the dust off the pages, taking the entire board off the wall, putting it in paper bag, and sealing it so I never touched it. Every picture he smiled for the camera... His FU expression was priceless in every picture. They were so freaking funny.
The judge in Federal Court was laughing his butt off when he heard the details of what I found to reverse the restraining order. When he opened the bag, he laughed even more.
The factory reopened immediately. Company B and C settled by agreeing that they both got to use the trade secret but couldn't sell it to anyone else.
What they really figured out was... Those little old ladies had slightly changed the formula over the years and slightly made them better over time. Even the formula on the wall didn't work as well as these little ladies did.
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