We Hope You Never Ate This Stuff
Good food brings us together! It allows us to settle at the table and share stories over delicious flavors and laughter—but not all food is like that. Some dishes are downright weird and can only make us scratch our heads. Vintage recipes were a time of strange foods across the board, so let’s explore some together.
Staff videographer on Wikimedia
1. Cream Corn and Wiener Roast
We guess you can’t blame Libby’s creamed corn—it was the ‘60s, an unruly place where strange, disgusting recipes were all the rave. Sure enough, Libby’s jumped on the bandwagon with a monstrosity of hot dogs, mustard, and cream corn. You didn’t need to do much but top your wiener with mustard and then bake them in a casserole dish of corn. At least it was simple.
Bubba73 (Jud McCranie) on Wikimedia
2. Frosted Ribbon Loaf
Don’t be fooled by the name. “Frosted ribbon loaf” was less delicious cake and more bizarre concoction of ham and eggs slathered with cream cheese. (Don’t forget to sprinkle a generous serving of parsley on top!) The ham and egg layers both had additionally awful ingredients like celery, horseradish, and green olives. We're sad to report this is still popular in parts of Canada.
3. 7-Up and Milk
We know some people still indulge, but this sparkling glass of milk was particularly popular in the ‘50s. All you had to do was mix equal parts milk and 7-Up for a “delicious blended food drink.” Don’t lie to us, advertisement. It wasn’t either of those things.
4. Ham and Bananas Hollandaise
Ham and bananas are already an odd couple, and hollandaise just makes it worse. Admittedly, that’s not fair to hollandaise—this recipe was a mess from top to bottom, asking home cooks to drizzle lemon juice over peeled bananas and then wrap them with ham and mustard. From there it was just a boiling hot blend of lemon juice, water, and cream.
5. Retro SpaghettiOs Jello
This retro SpaghettiOs recipe belongs in the past. Now, the good news is that you only needed four ingredients: water, unflavored gelatin, SpaghettiOs, and tomato soup. The bad news is that those were the ingredients. Oh, and did we mention that Vienna sausages went inside that nauseating ring?
6. Terrine of Garden Vegetables
We all enjoy a fresh spread of garden vegetables…but not like this. No, we’re good without those gelatinous layers of peas, carrots, and artichokes. Don’t worry, you also had some nice romaine lettuce in there and the potential for yogurt-hollandaise sauce.
7. Spinach and Egg Mold
1970s Weight Watchers was something else. Of course, we had gelatin (the star of every horrendous meal), but we also had hot sauce, cottage cheese, eggs, and spinach. A few radish slices on top really made this the ultimate disaster.
8. Lime Jello Cabbage Salad
Wait, where are you going? Come back—we have so many more gelatinous recipes! Say hello to lime Jell-O cabbage salad. Believe it or not, this remains a relatively popular dish by today’s standards, but it was mainly our grandmothers who introduced us to this casserole dish packed with Jell-O, cabbage, carrots, and pineapple juice.
9. Salmon Shortcake
Campbell’s soup flew a little too close to the sun on this one. Their vintage suggestion was to serve their cream of celery soup with flaked salmon on biscuits. Powdered dill and peas were supposed to top it off, but that somehow made it worse.
Vegan Feast Catering on Wikimedia
10. Rosy Fruit-Cocktail Salad
Have you ever wondered what mayo, celery seed dressing, and fruit would taste like? Keep wondering because we implore you not to make this 1958 recipe. Allegedly, marshmallows and maraschino cherries were also tossed into the mix but we can’t imagine the sweetness helped any.
11. Oscar Mayer Tree
Get festive with hot dogs! Oscar Mayer really wanted their wieners to be the stars of Christmas dinner, so they presented their solution: an edible tree made of parsley and huckleberry leaves. This ‘50s ad then encouraged you to use Oscar Mayer products as the baubles and indulge with family. What’s the opposite of a Christmas miracle?
12. Almonds-in-a-Haystack
We’re jumping ahead to the 1970s, a time when Miracle Whip and Blue Diamond put their noggins together for what was hopefully the last time. Their invention was a haystack appetizer—basically mashed ham and green onion topped with cream cheese, mayo, and almonds. If you squinted, it kind of looked like a haystack, so we’ll give them that.
13. Prawn Stuffed Apples
Do you know what delicious apples need? A Night of the Living Dead scenario where prawns emerge from the center. Not just prawns either. No, this 1967 recipe also wanted you to stuff the apples with cucumber, hot sauce, mayo, and olives.
14. Jellied Salmon Loaf
It’s the return of unflavored gelatin, and this time it’s here to ruin salmon. Vinegar, celery, and cucumber also made an appearance, though cucumber had another honorable mention as the sliced garnish on top. Either way, it was all trapped inside a gelatin case.
15. Deviled Peanut Spread
You like dill, you like peanut butter—that’s good because you only need mayo and deviled ham to complete this monstrosity. The end result is…interesting, and 1950s cooks were told to spread it atop whatever “foundations” they liked.
16. Bologna Cake
Yes, this is a real dessert and no, we’re not kidding. It’s actually quite the treat in the southern states, though its popularity isn’t winning any votes on our end. In case you were wondering, it’s just layers of bologna and cream cheese with ranch dressing.
17. Shrimp Sandwich Roll
It’s not something you’d expect to find in a bake-off cookbook, but the shrimp sandwich roll made its appearance in 1967, the exact year it belongs in. Picture a Swiss roll cake but ruin it completely with shrimp, pecans, pineapple, and cream cheese.
18. Cherry-Catsup Salad
Cherries and ketchup don’t mix. You know this. We know this. But the ‘60s didn’t, which is exactly why they told us to mix cherry gelatin, ketchup, and crushed nuts. To top it all off, that red ring was stuffed with olives.
19. Black Cake
The 1890s called and they want their bizarrely large cake back. This one might be a blast from the past but that doesn’t excuse the three pounds of raisins, currants, and citron. It also called for two wine glasses (their measuring cup) of sour cream and brandy. The recipe did warn that it was a very rich cake, but it also wrote that this thing would keep for several months, so we don’t know what to believe.
20. Seafood Mousse
We end the list with another sin on seafood—an anemic mousse made from shrimp, crab, or lobster. Its disgusting color was probably thanks to the cream cheese and tomato soup mixture, though the mayo and gelatin didn’t help either.
Consell Comarcal del Baix Empordà. Cuina de l'Emp on Wikimedia
